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Before You Let Them, You Need to Understand: YOU MATTER

Writer's picture: Lauri SternLauri Stern

It’s taken me some time to create one blog post that combines all I’ve been wanting to say, which, in a nutshell, is: YOU MATTER! So, of course, if you already believe you do, you could stop right here. But if you’re at all wondering why I bring it up, perhaps this is the right time to keep reading.


Within this post, I am going to discuss Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory, the “Let Them” poem by Cassie Phillips, and Demi Moore’s acceptance speech from the Golden Globes—because, as you may already know, I am a huge fan of connecting dots. And if you’ll allow me, I shall. Why? Because I find it helpful to take what people already know (The Let Them Theory) and rephrase it in a way that helps them embody the learning uniquely. My attempt here is to whittle this all down into digestible bites that provide examples and backup to help you understand that the first step in any self-awareness journey is to believe: YOU MATTER!


So here we go…


In a world where we are constantly bombarded by external expectations and judgments, the wisdom of Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory and Demi Moore’s heartfelt reflections converge to offer a profound roadmap for reclaiming our personal power and self-worth. At its core, Robbins’ theory encourages us to relinquish control over others’ actions and choices, focusing instead on managing our responses and finding peace within. This modern framework is beautifully complemented by Moore’s poignant reminder from her speech: our self-worth cannot be measured by external validation but must be nurtured from within.


Demi Moore’s journey serves as a powerful example of the impact of external judgments on our sense of self. Early in her career, being dismissed as a "popcorn actress" left her grappling with self-doubt and insecurities that shaped her choices for years. In her acceptance speech, she shared a universal truth: “When we don’t think we’re smart enough, or skinny enough, or successful enough… you will never be enough. But you can know the value of your worth if you just put down the measuring stick.” Her words underscore the importance of shedding external judgments and embracing our intrinsic value.


Mel Robbins’ book aligns seamlessly with Moore’s message. By letting others “do what they do” and focusing on what we can control—our own thoughts, reactions, and growth—we free ourselves from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage others. This shift not only brings greater peace but also fosters resilience and self-empowerment. However, as Robbins’ theory gains traction, it’s essential to recognize that it is perhaps a NEXT step in a larger journey of self-discovery.


It’s worth noting that The Let Them Theory seems to originate from the "Let Them" poem by Cassie Phillips. The legal and ethical questions surrounding the use of the poem’s words on products and in print are for Phillips and her legal team to address. That said, Mel Robbins’ application of the ideas—whether or not she directly acknowledges the poem as inspiration—is both unique and brilliant. A good motivational speaker takes complexities and distills them into digestible, actionable insights, and Robbins’ book exemplifies this skill.


I bring this up because what I know is: we all pull from the same consciousness pot and serve ourselves from it with our own unique utensils. When we are inspired by what we hear or read, we may not always know exactly where it emanates from, but (hopefully, ethically) we do our best to research and ensure we send thanks and praise to the correct people for our own wonderful downloads and ideas. I make no claims on the words YOU MATTER but do claim my use of it as a tagline, however I may explain it, knowing its definition and application come from the way I blend years of experience, training, study, practice, and my own intuition.


Therefore, I believe to fully embrace the power of Let Them, we must FIRST address the foundation of our self-worth. How we are raised, the way our emotions are valued, and the confidence instilled in us all play critical roles in shaping our ability to navigate life’s challenges. For example, were we encouraged to trust our voice, or were we told to “speak only when spoken to”? Were we allowed to dream and imagine, or were our aspirations dismissed? These early experiences profoundly impact our sense of belonging, security, and identity.


The teachings of ancient philosophy, such as Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, remind us that true self-mastery begins with self-inquiry. The first two steps of the Eight-Limbed Path, the Yamas and Niyamas, guide us toward understanding ourselves and our place in the world. They teach us to cultivate discipline, self-awareness, compassion, and other aspects that lay the groundwork for practices like Robbins’ Let Them Theory. Without a solid foundation of self-awareness, we risk misinterpreting the words, behaviors, and reactions we experience—whether within ourselves or from others.


As an example, Demi Moore’s story illustrates the consequences of a shaky foundation. Told she didn’t matter, she internalized this belief, leading to struggles with self-image and perhaps relationships. If she had been rooted in the belief that she mattered—regardless of external opinions—the harsh words of an asshole producer might not have derailed her sense of self so profoundly for so long. Connecting this to my lens, the Chakras, this highlights the importance of strengthening our Root Chakra—our foundational sense of belonging and security—before attempting to navigate the complexities of just about anything and everything else.


For those embarking on the Let Them journey, it’s crucial to first understand yourself from the ground up so you have the resilience needed to weather the inevitable challenges and criticisms that arise when we set boundaries and prioritize our peace. Friends discussing their own challenges and self-criticism while trying on Let Them for size illustrate the pitfalls of this. They wonder if focusing on themselves means they are selfish and if letting others be themselves makes them appear apathetic. My experience tells me if they had a better understanding of themselves first, they would be better equipped to answer these questions for themselves without question or judgement. The Dalai Lama says, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” But unless we understand our intrinsic worth, it won’t take much to destroy that peace.


As Lao Tzu wisely observed, “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” Mastery of self begins with recognizing our inherent value and addressing the root causes of our insecurities. Only then can we truly embrace the freedom and empowerment Robbins’ theory offers. While this philosophy provides a valuable tool for personal growth, it is not the starting point but a step along the path of self-discovery.


The journeys of Demi Moore and Mel Robbins remind us of a universal truth: our self-worth is not determined by others but by how we perceive and value ourselves. It’s yours to claim, nurture, and protect. So, whether through ancient teachings or modern self-help, the message remains timeless: first, do the inner work, build a foundation of self-worth, and always remember: YOU MATTER! Without this belief, the never-ending roadway of life—with its inevitable potholes, detours, and valleys—becomes unnavigable. But with it, you can face however the road unfolds and enjoy the ride with resilience, clarity, peace, and joy.


Namaste, and thank you for reading and remember:

#YOU MATTER!!


Lauri





©Lauri Stern - Custom Designed Wellness

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© 2024 Custom Designed Wellness - By: Lauri Stern

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